Saturday, August 30, 2008

Pearly Gates

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Pearly Gates
Current mood: forgotten
Category: Life

So I was channel surfing today (which I tend to do pretty obsessively, just a little glimpse into my secret OCD behaviors...thank god I live alone) and I stopped to watch a bit of Inside the Actors studio. Not my fave but I'll give any Bravo show a look for the most part.

Anyways...Lipton was asking his usual list of questions and he asked the question "if heaven exists, what do want the lord to say when you walk up to the pearly gates" answer would be is "your brother is here and has been waiting for you."

Weekends are hard right now. I am getting better at holding it together during the week and I even got back into the swing of some of my normal activities this week (lunch with friends, networking events) but come the weekends all I want to do is curl up in my bed and make the world go away. Depression is the black cloud that hangs over my families head and it has always been my tendency to shut the world out when I am in pain but on the weekends it is all just to much to bear. I have been asking people who have lost loved ones what to expect and the aswers I get are mostly sympathetic shrugs. No rule book for this it seems, which sucks. I still just feel lost and empty and on the weekends very very alone. However I also know that if anyone were to call or drop by I'd want them to leave me alone to hide and wallow in my broken heart.

Welcome to the irony that is my twisted little life.

I just don't know when I will ever feel happy again.

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