So this new world is kinda weird. There are no set rules or "hafta's" in my day right now. I am free to do what I want when I want to do it for the most part- excluding of course being at the whim of a certain 33" tall person who shall remain nameless.
The weekends are completely different right now- gone is the pressure to spend one whole day just doing the housekeeping stuff. The things that piled up all week because we were too tired and busy and now have to be jammed into one day. Our weekends usually consisted of one day where we were out of the house for most of it running around town getting errands done and one day in the house doing laundry, cleaning, or just catching up in general. Now I can go to the grocery store at 7pm on a Tuesday if that is what works for us because I don't have to be up at 5 am so we have to have a drop dead time of 7pm to get anything done otherwise there was not enough time to wrap up the day and get Q settled for bed.
Not gonna lie it is nice.
I have been pretty proud of myself actually. I have been resisting the urge to jump head first into a jam packed schedule of groups and activities to keep Q and I occupied. I am a planner and like things organized so I have started doing some research into some free or low cost options of stuff to do in the AZ summer for us but we have not ventured out to any of them just yet.
Maybe its just because Phoenix Comic-Con is this weekend but I will admit to feeling the push/pull feeling to get hyper organized and be - SuperMomma! (da da da daaaaaaa)
I am feeling small pangs of guilt and urges to "should" myself (I should be doing this, I should be doing that...) however I am patting myself on the back for resisting those urges and just really focusing on being here.....now.....with my daughter.
I have spent the last 18 months fantasizing about how great it would be to just spend time with my baby. To be perfectly frank I am just not ready to share her with anyone else. I have been working my brains out to get to this point where I can be with her so why do I want to pack our days with running back and forth to places and things when what she needs- and god knows I need- is to just spend time together.
I am loving the hell out of just getting to know my baby. Getting brushed up on Quinnspeak and finding she is upping her vocabulary game to be able to better talk to momma. Talking her through the letter of the day on Sesame Street (or Elmo as she calls it). Spending our mornings snuggled on the couch just because its where we both want to be and not kicking myself for feeling like I am lazy or should be doing a zillion other things.
It's really amazing how easy and hard these past few weeks have been since my little world got flipped with the new of the lay off. Most all of my co-workers found other positions still within the company which is great for them. I admit I have this feeling of panic of "shouldn't I at least be applying for jobs- just in case??"
The answer is no- Chris and I have been planning for this day and the fact that it was chosen for me instead of me quitting a couple months before we were planning on pulling the trigger should not spook us. In fact it has been a huge blessing for him to be freed up to work full time (and by full time sadly that means 20 hours a day- I am not kidding). So keeping those moments under wraps is hard- I am finding a long cuddle and nuzzling a Q neck usually brings me right out of it.
I am looking forward to starting to explore and have big adventures with Q. I am sure we will find new friends and places and (god help me) crafts to do but for now I am putting on the brakes and just enjoying being here....now.....with my family.