So where have I been and why have I been hiding from you? Well as always its not you I have been hiding from but myself. You see sitting here typing into this blank box is me facing myself and for the past few months I have not been able to do that. I wish I could blame it something like being so distracted by playing house with my boy that I haven't had time but that isn't true. Chris is my biggest fan and I know it has him pretty concerned that I have shut down this part of my life when it has meant so much to me the past few years.
The truth is I feel like I have failed myself, failed you all and I just couldn't face it. Those of you who saw me when I was back for Kim's wedding could see I have gained a fair chunk of weight back. I have justified it at every step telling myself "still, not as bad as it was" which is true and I keep telling myself gaining weight doesn't take away from the fact that I lost 200 so I should still be proud but.....it is killing me. It hurts me to look in the mirror and see the belly back. I worked so hard and it was all too easy to let it creep back. I know I can get back to where I was and Chris and I have talked about it a lot. He has a few lbs he'd like to shed as well but its hard to get back to that disciplined place I was last year.
So I get more upset with everyday because I did exactly what I said I wouldn't. I swore I would be one of those people who lost the weight an never looked back. Well my backside is the one looking at me now and its laughing, well.....you get it.
Anyways so that it the truth, the whole truth and I am sticking to it. Where do I go from here is the question.......