Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Polls are Closed

Thank you for playing and for your votes in "what should Tracey do next..." You gave me some great feedback (some private, some public) and I thank you ALL for your thoughts and words. I listened and took it all in....and then made up my own damn mind and did what I wanted just like I always do. hahaha...

Ok so the decision has been made.....I am going back on the Cookie Diet (which if you buy 4 weeks by 2/28 you can get $50 off with the coupon code Twitter50 btw...)

First off I am very excited and happy with this decision. It may not be the decision you would have made but that was true when I first did it (and lost 150lbs) and the bottom line is I got results and you can't argue with that. And yes it is a band-aid. It is NOT a long term solution and once I hit my goal weight I will have to come up with a plan that I can work to keep the results I gained and have a healthy long term maintenance based lifestyle.

I think it is just such a weight off (so to speak- har har) to just have made a decision and not just keep struggling to do something I clearly still don't know how to do so well. This will get me back on track, get me some results and give me time to get some education and figure out how to make this lifestyle change stick.

So where I am at now is the cookies are ordered and en route and I will start again on Monday. So needless to say this is kind of a g'bye tour for my sweet tooth for awhile. So glad I got in one more office cake day before getting back on the wagon...MMMMmmmm cake.

I am not at all worried about the cookie diet itself. I have done it before so there are no big worries there and in a lot of ways it will be a relief to going back to being hard core strict. Choices are hard and making the right choices are even harder. And our culture is NOT set up to be health friendly let me tell you.

My plan is to do it for 90-120 days then assess where I am. Last time I did it I averaged 20 lbs a month weight loss and I want to get to a goal weight of 160lbs (80lbs total).

We shall see how it goes...

Now....I put this to YOU. Wanna play along?

I will post my starting weight on Monday (March 1st) and update weekly. I will throw out the offer that if anyone else out there wants to play the home version with me you can post your goals and results in the comments section and we can do this together! I know posting things like your weight aren't fun but its the accountability part that really drives you- trust me.

And I don't care what your plan is- I have never and will never knock any one's choices. Be it surgery, exercise only, special diets.....all our bodies have such vastly different chemistry and results vary so much that if YOU find something that works then GO FOR IT...with my blessings and supports.

And for those who haven't heard yet I WILL be coming home (to Iowa) for Kim's wedding in June (12th) so I WILL be at my GOAL WEIGHT by then!!

Time to finish this damn thing....who is with me??!!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Not fixed yet....

Not in my most cuddly mood today. I am actually pretty freaking upset with the world in general. It sucks cuz earlier this week I was feeling pretty peaceful and calm. I was thinking things are in a good groove and it will be nice to coast all easy breezy for awhile.

But not feeling the love today...

I am just so mad at not being able to stay where I had got down to with my weight. I am so mad that even though I am trying (I know, powerless word) to get back into a routine and get back to healthier eating habits life seems to get in the way. And I know I don't have even a teeny portion of the challenges other people have so its making me think I have no other options than to go back to the cookie diet.

I am just so disappointed in myself that the pants I had thrown in a bag bound for Goodwill are now back in my rotation because the pants I have are starting to get way too tight. I never wanted to go back up the scale and yet here I am.

I keep watching The Biggest Loser (really miss it with the Olympics on) and they preach getting to the emotion- figuring out what got you there to begin with...and for some reason I can't see it. I can see my lack of impulse control and the need to punish myself with food but I can't see why...and I guess until I do I will keep struggling.

In the meantime I really want to smash all the mirrors in my house. It just hurts to look.....

Monday, February 15, 2010

Kevin Smith- I feel ya man

Ok so it's pretty rare I have a real, relevant experience to something in the news but I do so here is my recap and tie in.

Most of you know Kevin Smith- if you don't know the man you know his movies. Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back....(leaving out Jersey Girl out of respect- not HIS fault). Well I follw him on Twitter and he is awesome and his tweets for national attention when he went off about his experience about getting kicked off a Southwest Airline flight for being "of Size" as their policy calls fat people.

Here is his rant on his website Smodcast (90 min podcast) and to be fair here is the Southwest reply . Here is the story on MSNBC.

And- what you are really interested in- this is my blog about the experience where I had a Southwest Airlines encounter.

Bottom line- it is a horrible, humiliating experience that calls you out for the thing you already hate and feel bad about.

I feel ya Kevin Smith- I feel ya.....

Update: It has really made me sad how people aren't seeing the forest for the trees with this whole situation. Or in this case- the person behind the weight issues.

For those who care here is Kevin's story and as it is similiar to my own. I believe him. There is no reason to go on an on about an issues like this UNLESS it is the one thing you can do to save the dignity that was already stripped of you.

Just makes me sad man, it really does.....

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


What to do...what to do.....

I am kinda at a crossroads and need to make a pretty big decision. As I have admitted I have fallen off the wagon a bit and need to re-start my program. I have been doing good with my exercise program. I have the Biggest Loser's Boot Camp and Power Yoga ($9 at Wal-Mart) plus the eliptical and my yoga class.

So right now here is my schedule with one day of rest in there (which varies depending on what night Chris is available so we can have a date night):

Boot Camp, Cardio, rest day, Boot Camp, Power Yoga, Boot Camp, Yoga Class (sat am)

So far so good... with that. I am at level 2 with the Boot Camp video- can't say I make it all the way through Level 2 (fricking pushups with a medicine ball) BUT I am getting there...

Now the big question.

I am strongly considering going back to the Cookie Diet.

Now a little recap for you all...the diet I started was called Smart for Life which was a partnership between these weight loss clinics (Smart for Life) and Dr. Siegel's cookie diet. That is where I lost the bulk of my weight. Now there was a lawsuit and the partnership ended (badly) and the clinic I was going to switched products (cookies) which made me very sick so that is when I quit the program and went solo.

So why am I considering going back to eating 6 little (not so much like cookies) cookies everyday?

Well in a word- results. I really want to hit my goal of 175 (ok, its really 160) and doing the diet for 3 months might get me there quickly (or at least a big jump start) BUT it is $60 a week for cookies so we are talking $720 for 90 days. Is loosing 60lbs worth that?


The other consideration is learning the right way to do it. After my gain I am worried I didn't really learn new habits (or didn't learn good enough) so when I come back off my weight will balloon up- again.

I do NOT want to start a yo-yo pattern so is it better to do it slower this time with the idea that the results will last longer?

It's a lot to think about....what are your thoughts? (comments always welcome)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

My Guest Blog....

So I have talked about it for a little bit now (ok teased is more like it) but here is the link to my first ever guest blog. It is for the leadership training I went through and if you have been reading along at all you know I mention this training quite a bit. It is very literally the best thing that I ever did and gave me the tools that helped me change my life.

It's odd timing to be rethinking anf reliving that experience now when I am on the brink of breaking through another wall.

The conclusion to the story in the guest blog is- I failed again. I stopped living the lessons I learned and gained back 40 pounds of what I have lost. So now I stand before you (and mostly myself) and I am looking in the mirror and asking myself....what choices are you going to make today?

It only clicked last week that I have falledn back into some self destructive patterns. I have been punishing myself and sabatoging myself for not living up to a standard I had set for myself. I am not able to forgive myself for some of the choices I have made in the past.

I am working on it....I need to find a way to forgive myself. I need another moment like I had a Rapport to remind me how powerful I can be. Hopefully I can find it somewhere within myself.

So I come back to you all, on bended knees with my heart laid out before you and once again ask to be filled up with your love and energy and support. Help me on my journey cuz it's not over yet and I am not done fighting.

I need you, I need your help.

I am not alone.....