So I am getting back into the swing of working out
and it is beyond frustrating how I have in my mind where I was physically when I jumped off the wagon and my body just won't do what it used to. I keep telling myself that it took a bit to get back OUT of shape so its ok that it takes a bit to get back INTO shape -but that doesn't help when I am trucking along and can only max out at a fraction of what I used to do. The fact that I am heavier (again) than when I got off the cookie diet make me mad, sad, frustrated, and is just damn pathetic.
Yes I know I can't change what I did yesterday, I can only go forward from here BUT......grrrrrrr!!!
So what finally kicked my ass and got me to at least begin getting back on track you ask? It was a dream.....I had this very vivid dream where me (the me I am now) came face to face with the future me (the me I will be when I hit my goal weight). I don't recall any details of the dream per se, I was just left with that mirror image and being both thrilled and excited about how good future me looked and how flat out disgusted I am with present me. I can't tell you or even begin to explain the amount of shame I feel for doing exactly what I said I wasn't going to do- ever.
I don't have a good excuse (not really) I just took my eye off the ball and it was easier to give up than to get back in the fight. I could list out a ton of really good and valid pseudo-reasons and you all would nod and sympathise and let me off the hook cuz that is what we do for people. For the most part we enable them mostly cuz we might need someone to let -us- off the hook someday and we would like the favor returned. It's only polite...
None of that changes the fact that I only fit in 3 pairs of pants. I guess the one good thing I did was get rid of all my "big" clothes cuz I can't afford to go shopping so that really does only leave one option cuz I am pretty sure jammies aren't in the corporate dress code (although some people in my building might argue- but that is a whole 'nother blog topic).
So I started working out last week by figuring out a work-around to a dvd problem. One of my "excuses" to not working out was I switched DVR's and the new one doesn't play well with my DVD player so I can't work out cuz I can't play my Biggest Loser DVD's- good excuse right??!! Oh and my home laptop crashed so I couldn't use it either- see?? IMPOSSIBLE to work out under those conditions!
Ok, so I finally conceeded that it was perfectly possible to bring my work laptop home and play them on it (until the magic dvd fairy comes to fix my dvd/dvr issue- why cant we all get along??) So that issue was solved and I got reacquainted with Bob Harper.
I tell ya, he looks so nice on tv...until he is kicking your ass and its only level 1! Geesh!! I have Jillian's dvd too but it is still safely in its plastic wrap. Oh yeah, I am scared of her, not gonna lie!
I want to get a good mix going so the next day I decided to do cardio and got back on the treadmill- Ol Bessy. Now Bessy obviously did not recognize me (can't blame her, it has been awhile) and not only did a teeny workout kick my ass I got a huge frickin blister for my trouble. Great!
So, back to Bob....a bit slower this time as muscles I don't even know the names of hurt now but I made it through (mainly cuz I could do it barefoot- blister still hurt-owwy!).
Next day, back to the treadmill.....now I doubled up on socks and layered 2 bandaids on the blister so it would be nice and protected right? WRONG-O! In less than 10 mins it was rubbing my foot raw.
Dilemma.....I want to kick this week off right and not half ass anything so I can't quit after just 10 mins. What to do? Only one choice....I kicked off my shoes and continued to workout in just my socks.
Ummmmmm, yeah, I do NOT recommend that. You may now examine the picture for the answer "why not"....and yes. I do consider myself a supreme dumb ass as even while I was doing it I knew I would regret it. I figured I would suffer later...and I did.
So now all my muscles hurt and it feel like I am walking on razor sharp rocks with every step. Awesome. Good thing the next day is Friday and I was forced to use the day as a "rest day". Chris and I did end up doing a bunch of errands so there was a fair bit of walking but nothing that would do any damage. Then Saturday I gave myself the gift of going to yoga and after a great class with lots of stretching I felt MUCH better and back on track. Sunday was Bob again and it wasn't so hard and I wasn't as sore after. Yay- progress!
Then today......we had a team lunch and I had a bit more to eat than I planned and had a total crash by the time I got home. I did NOT want to workout- at all. BUT I promised myself so after stalling as long as I could by talking to Chris I got off my ass and went to the gym. I had delusions of getting on the elliptical but 5 mins in I was over it. I just couldn't get in a zone. So I switched to Ol Bessy and started trotting along.
Now comes the Negotiation Method....
I can't be the only person who does this so tell me if this sounds familiar. I walk along and start to think about how long I plan to go for (30 mins plus 5 mins cool down). Then I start planning out the next 5 mins....I usually try to do a bit of interval training.....go for 5 increase speed for 30-60 seconds then go back to normal pace and repeat. So I start making myself deals....when you get to "x" we can increase for 30 seconds and if you do that we can knock off 5 mins at the end. Then I got for another 3 mins and start planning the next 5 mind deal. Then when I get to 15 mins I think, ok that is just half, well not really cuz it's really 35 mins not just 30 so 17 is more life half and I have been really good (which is a lie but I can talk myself into believing that) so how about we knock off at 20 mins? Then at 20 I think, well I have come this far I might as well finish what I said I was gonna do cuz its all down hill from here.....then "suddenly" I am done.
Behold....the Negotitation Method. Feel free to use it as your own if you aren't already.