Saturday, June 6, 2009

Things to do to not F*ck Up

Note to self......ex boyfriends will never never never give you the answers you are looking for so don't ever expect them to fix a relationship that has been dead for over a decade and a half. And as much pleasure it might seem to give you to torture them and grill them about what exactly was so fucked up about you that they didn't want will still be left in the same place emotionally because there is no time machine to go back and fix things better left in the past and CSI'ing the remains will not help you navigate the waters of a brand new relationship because there is a whole new set of variables now.

Please, can someone be in charge of reminding me about that often? God knows my ex's would be ever so pleased.

So my task for the evening has failed utterly....that task being to really really try to figure out what my most high risk behaviors are that lead to me self sabatoging all good things that come into my life. Odd that my task failed as is seemed to work out so well for John Cusak in the movie High Fidelity (the book also rocks btw- Nick Hornby rules).

So here is my short list of Things to do to not fuck things up....

be super busy every moment of every day so you won't have time to be thinking (ie- dwelling) about stupid things (like...I wonder if he will just magically knock on my door just cuz I am thinking about him)

leave your phone turned off or in the other room so you do not look at it obsessively willing it to ring with the power of your mind

plan lots of things because the second you do he will want to make plans for the time and date that you just booked

do not express every thought that pops into your head and for damn sure do NOT blog about it

don't be yourself lite, the kinder and gentler version of you

take your meds

go with the out of sight out of mind philosophy- if he isn't here he doesn't really exist

begin drinking....fuck the diet

talk to friends who are a much bigger hot mess than you are so you feel totally balanced and normal in comparrison

talk to ex bf's to figure out where it all went wrong ....what's wrong with you people?? that was a test! and no one even tried to stop me. You all suck!!!

spend money like you have it, fuck the fact you are making less money for the same job you did 2 months ago

spend free time watching YouPorn to study up for the next "at bat" you get

keep up with the "gardening" if you weed it, they will come....

oh....and this one is really really important

critical in fact....

you may want to write this down....

do NONE of the above because you are clearly on crack and just need to RELAX......grrrrrrrr

sometimes it is exhausting being me.....

1 comment:

Chris George said...

Exhausting, but delightful. The roses always smell better when they're arriving for someone else until that special day when they actually arrive for you. In that instance, when the flowers of life bloom for you, each of us have two choices we can make:

We can choose to stop...pause...and enjoy the simple beauty that life has handed us... or... we can choose to ignore them until the next time around because we have too much living to do and not enough life to do it in.

Each opportunity we receive in life, whether to slow down and enjoy the chance to observe and witness, or to step in and act to achieve something wonderful, it's rarely the opportunity we think we're looking for - but the rewards for following the path of opportunity are often some of the most compelling and dynamically significant that life can provide.

Life for me is a very wild ride, and always will be. Moments of peace between the waves of activity need to be relished, safe-guarded and cherished like a breath of air to a drowning person so that you have enough to smile at the excitement of the next dive into the wild experiences that lie ahead.

Cherish the opportunities of life; safe-guard the truly important necessities of life; and relish the secret smiles of life that are shared with you and you alone.