Thursday, March 26, 2009

It's never too late to turn it around

So you guys know I have been doing this lifestyle change thing for awhile now. I say lifestyle change instead of diet because it really is so much more than pounds. Really everything about my life has changed in the last year starting with my brother's death up to today and things keep on changing. It has been nearly a year since I started this journey and it has been crazy. In some ways it has been much easier than I ever thought and in some ways sooo much harder.

Specific to the weight loss I think the hardest part is deciding to commit to doing something about it. I was never a yo-yo dieter. I knew enough about myself to know that unless I was 1000% "in" there was really no point in trying anything so besides a few lame, forced efforts in the past (where I was doing it to please someone else and not for myself) this is really my first attempt at weight loss. It is ONLY because it was my decision made it my own time and for my own reasons that has worked and I will never go backwards. I can't, I gave away all my size 28 clothes! Speaking of clothes btw, I have to say I got a fantastic pair of size 16 pants that make me look great- yay me!

There are a million reasons why I decided to do it last year,why I took the first steps that have lead me here and none of them is any more or less important because it took the sum of all of them to get me here. My brother dying is the obvious huge reason, not wanting to put my family through losing another family member but honestly just as important,but in a very different way, cleaning up my credit was just as important as a step.

Taking a look at how bad my credit was- throwing open that closet door and looking for the first time at how messy and bad it had got was a huge step for me. Then the process of laying it out, seeing what was there and then the clean up process was such a learning experience. I lived in denial for so long- I knew it was bad but as long as I didn't know how bad it was I could live in ignorant bliss (not unlike never getting on a scale- lucky for me my doc had an old school scale that didn't go up high enough to capture my true weigh- blissful ignorance again). But once I knew how bad it was and TOOK CONTROL of it then started putting together a plan to knock it down and executed the plan to bring me where I am today....before: credit score: 589 after: credit score 706! That gave me so much confidence in the fact that I could DO something about the scary stuff,even if it is scary and ugly that shock wears off and then you begin to see the pile for what is it and then you can start sorting and organizing and putting things in their place.

An interesting side effect of this whole process is I have become very OCD- I have a new compulsion to sort and organize and have things in their homes at all times. My sense of control is on steroids now and thinks it can do anything....maybe it is right!

Anyways, my point is -and what hit me on the treadmill (the treadmill?? this time last year I had NEVER been on a treadmill, now I run home from work to get on it and LIKE it!!) is that no matter how big and scary an issue is...and for me the 2 bigs were my weight and credit....its never too late to step up, own the problem (yes, I did that, can't blame anyone but myself. That is my fault and starting today -cuz I can't do anything to change the past- I am going to start making it better) ....and start chipping away at it.

Neither "projects" are complete- I still have some things on my credit to clean up and lord know I have a ways to go to hit my weight loss goal but I STARTED somewhere and I have made a huge dent in both. A dent which didn't start with a sledgehammer, it started with a very soft nudge and built from there....

No comments: