Saturday, January 17, 2009

My Daddy thinks I'm pretty

Ok, feeling more than a little exposed and vunerable right now. Just a little akward, kinda like running into the guy at the party you had the one night stand with...I heard (not that I would know anything about what that is like).

I had to break down and share at some point. I mean, you guys can all do math and since someone can't weigh a negative amount at some point you would have put it together anyways. Still, its tough puting that out there.

So to recap....I started at 418 and have lost 163 (as of this morning's scale) which means for you math wiz's out there that I am currently at 255 (and wearing size 14/16 I might add) so I am 110lbs away from my goal weight. It took me 4 months to lose the first 100 and I am under no illusions that the last 100 will fly right off but I am still on target to hit 145 by the end of June. If I do hit that target it will mean I will have lost 273lbs in 14 months.

I am anxious to hit 250, somehow that number seems in the "not so incredibly bad" range, especially when you consider where I was. Then the next hurdle will be to get a "1" in front of my weight. THAT will be cool.

When you are overweight (and forgive my generalizations, I don't presume to speak for anyone else) you often find yourself in a bit of a limbo state of existence. On the one hand you feel invisible, like no one sees you or wants to look at you. I have seen people glance at me and quickly look away before and I can't help think its that whole "try not to stare" impulse we all have when we see someone who is outside of whatever we deem to be to the "norm". So you walk around feeling like no one ever looks at you.

It is interesting some of the comments people have been making to me recently though...for instance the other day I had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen since I began the diet and as we were walking out to the parking lot she was like "wow T, I remember walking with you before and you'd be out of breath by now." I was stunned she had noticed that, I always thought I pulled off the "I can do it as good as you" stunt pretty well. I guess people saw me more than I realized.

Then there are the random strangers.

I obviously can't know what any random person saw/thought about me before. Sometime after grade school I stopped hearing those life scarring comments- you know the ones I mean. Adults are much more polite, kinda...

What I CAN report is some of the recent comments I have gotten. The other day I was in the post office and after the dude asked for my ID he glanced and did a double take and said "wow, you have lost a ton of weight". Of course I was thrilled. I told him no one had commented before and he said "did anyone else look at that picture?" My comment was there is a difference between looking and seeing but it was nice to get the random endorsement. As much as the comments and support from you guys is great it all kinda falls into the "daddy thinks I the prettiest girl in the world" bucket. The guy at the post office was a nice random validation.

Then there is the grocery store....

I fully admit to being someone who peeks in other people carts and judges them by what they buy. You can tell if someone is single, having a party or just a binge eater all with a quick glance into their cart. I used to want to hide my own purchases when I bought junk cuz if I did it (judged people) I assume others do as well. No one ever said anything but they wouldn't now would they...

Well today I went to the store and as I was having the thoughts I just layed out as I set my items on the conveyer belt. The cashier was scanning away then she looked up at me and said "boy, someone is eating healthy". First time anyone ever said THAT to me! I was thrilled!! I told her about the diet and she had lost 23 lbs from doing "Biggest Loser" stuff (good for her I said). I told her my thoughts about judging people on their purchases and she agreed it is interesting what you can know about a person from their carts....blah blah.

Anyway the point is that tangible progress is being made to the point that strangers are noticing and that is just fucking cool.

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