Saturday, December 6, 2008

Speaking of dark and is a bit about my love life

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Speaking of dark and is a bit about my love life

Current mood: amused

Category: Life

So one of the good by products of losing a bunch of weight is you are looking better, feeling better and you want to show it off right? Well ,that is what I decided to do a few weeks ago. I have a friend who has been heavy into the dating scene and asked him how he was meeting people. He told me the names of a few dating sites he has used and suggested I get myself "out there".
Now...back in the D when I lived in Chicago I did the online dating thing a lot so I have no issue or judgements about doing it at all but I am in a unique situation right now. I have never had any illusions about how I look and the judgements people have. It's not about size or beauty it is about asthetics and yet there are a huge group of people (let's call this group "the men I want" for arguments sake) who do judge and when asked want a "trim, athletic girl who takes care of herself". They tend to not be terribly interested in a work-in-progress like myself. However, its worth a shot right? You never know until you "get out there" and so it was with that attitude I grabbed a pole and headed out into cyber space to cast my line on a site called (I swear I am not making this up) One of my friends asked if they named it that because Plenty of P*ssy was taken and I gotta say, I couldn't argue...

So I have been on this site for about a month and here are the results of the 3 dates I have had so far....

Prequel: I very much realize that I am in the middle of a very drastic process and its hard to expect anyone to really grasp what has happened in my life the last year (least of all me). I like to think of myself as a low maintenance and drama free girl (even put that in my profile-ha!) and yet, one of my ex's did ohso kindly point out that "hot mess" might be a bit more accurate a description right now. Not through any fault of my own (of course not) but I do tend to be pretty emotional, on the verge of a major depression and am physcially changing a bit everyday. GOD I am such a catch...who wouldn't want me??

Also, I am totally outspoken when it comes to my very liberal views (let my gays get married, they have THE BEST receptions!!) and voted blue in this very very red state. I also have very few inhibitions (you call it "easy" I call it being 38 and what the hell are we waiting for?) and pretty much say every thought in my head, oh and I kinda think I am right about...well, most things (although I do admit it when I am wrong, never happy about it but do admit it).

Lastly, the diet. Really fucks with the dating process. I can't drink so there goes 70% of what gets suggested for a first date. I don't eat lunch so that only leaves dinner and it has to be someplace where I can eat healthy. Yeah, you try to pick a romantic restaurant that serves a "lite" menu. Seriously, make a list and send it to me. And while I may be inclined to not talk about the diet on the first date (obviously it opens a whole big can o worms) its hard to explain my restrictions without getting into it all and risk overwhelming my poor poor date.

Ok, you got the let us see what happens.

Bachelor 1- Jares

(I am not changing the names btw cuz well...fuck em and no one here knows them anyways screw it. )

Nice guy, in his 40's and his whole family is in CO. All kids are grown up. This is important because I do not have or want kids and don't really want to become a stepmommy dearest. We talked via IM on this site then talked on the phone. (Note- I do 90% of my business over the phone and I do know I have a pretty good voice so this part is always the most comfortable for me, this is my house and I am sooo in control at this point). We have great chemistry on the phone and talk well into the dark of saturday night. We make plans for dinner at 7pm and after texting and calling all day he ends up showing up at my house about 3:30. We hang out and have a lovely time (its code, figure itout) then go out for dinner (a bit backwards, so sue me). Then he leaves with the promise of getting together later in the week.

The next day I send a few texts (the grown up version of passing him a note during study hall) and no repsonse. Now I knew there was some work drama going on and some people were going to get let go. I did have a professional interest in this as I am a recruiter and wanted to offer my help. I got no reply and since we never talked about how we liked to communicate I let it go. I get hom that evening and then proceeded to have a series of highly emotional conversations with some family members which upset me greatly (read; I was a weeping, sobby hysterical mess) and I get online and see him there. Yay, a friendly face! So I send him and IM and get back the message "this user does not want to speak to you". Wow, burn. I was shocked. Totally stunned.
Ok....this is where I prove what a totally emotionally stable person I am BUT in my defense all it would have taken to avoid all this is ONE text saying "I'm tired, ttyl". :::sigh::::

So after getting this message I proceed to send...oh, about 10 texts, 2 emails and 3-4 vm's all with various versions of "wtf?" Yeah,......I'm not proud and TOTALLY ADMIT I over-reacted (see, I can admit when I am wrong). Needless to say I didn't hear from him. I did get a text the next day saying he was tired (couldn't have said that before??) and my reaction "has him very concerned" really?? Ya think? Hmmm, so that was that.

Update **I have had one more convo with him where I explained my state of mind and he said he was wrong as well but as of today have not got together again.

Bachelor 2- Eric

I spoke to Eric via IM on a friday night then he called me. Had an OK convo but not a ton of chemistry but I thought we could hang out and be friends. We made dinner plans and since I wasn't drinking and he wanted to, I drove. We had a nice dinner (got into an arguement about gay marriage- told you I am liberal) but all in all a good time. We then went out for more drinks (him) and then came back to my house. He had mentioned it had "been ahwile" and really liked an aggressive, confident girl. He ended up, well....let's just say he had an issue I hadn't encounter since I stopped dating frat guys. Ugh.

He then ended up sleeping in the middle of my bed and when he left the next day (walk of shame baby). We spoke of having dinner as well as attending a networking event (he is launching a new biz and we were talking about getting out and marketing it). I gave him my card and told him to email me and I'd send him the info for the event. When I got into the office the next day I texted him and asked him for the email so I could forward the e-vite. By noon I hadn't heard from him so I called and left a vm asking for his email address to send him the stuff (just so I could delete it and check that off my "to-do" list) and asked when he wanted to do dinner. I got a text back later in the afternoon saying I was moving to fast and he was not looking for a relationship. Ummm,what? Since when is a 2nd date a relationship?? I told him that and informed him I was deleting his number from my phone (jsut safer that way- if they are in my phone I have weak moments and call) but if he wanted to be friends that was cool and he could call me.He replied that "friends is fine" and.....haven't heard from him since. Shocker.

Bachelor 3- Bob

Hot. Very hot...successful, sexy and all together yummy. We spoke right before Thanksgiving (yeah, this is fresh drama) and he had gone home to NM for the holiday. We had planned to go out on wednesday but had so much fun flirting we moved it up to dinner after his flight on sunday. The flight was delayed so we ended up meeting for drinks after work monday instead. Before we met he had told me he was "picky and shallow" so I told him let's forget it. If a guy describes himself that way I have no illusions that I will be able to leap that fence. He also said he was conservative and had high morals. (anyone else see the "danger, road closed ahead" sign yet? I sure didn't...and did I emphasis how hot he is??)

So we meet and click very well great convo he seems into me and keep talking about how impressed he is by me. I am feeling so comfortable I spill a ton of my last years events and he seems cool with it all. We walk to my car and he kisses me and it lasts for 20 mins. If I was Bobby Brady and my life was the Brady Bunch this would be the episode where fireworks go off after he has his first kiss (before he finds out she has the measels). He nearly caves on the whole morals thing (I live 5 mins away) but he holds and I don't push (cuz I am cool like that). We confirm we are going out on wednesday then we spend the rest of the night texting naughty things like we are 2 horny teenagers. I am literally twitterpated and let my hopes soar. He is my very own McDreamy and I am already thinking about all the fun things we can do. So I text and call the next day but hear nothing and by noon I have a sinking feeling and try to stay focused on my wor day. I get home and check my email to find a note from him saying he was sorry he let himself get carried away but had "no intension of seeing you ever again". He said he is way to conservative for me but wished me well. I was crushed and I tried to call but got nada response.


So...what have we learned boys and girls? Am I ready to date or am I WAY too much of a hot mess? Do I hold back and not share as much, but doing that would not be me and aren't you always supposed to be yourself and if they like you great, if not at least you were yourself? Do I keep trudging on or do I pull back until I am at the end of my transformation?
questions, questions, questions....ironically if anyone else had presented me this issue I could totally talk it out with them and come up with a solid plan and be supportive in the execution of said plan. But for me?I got nothing....

At this point I have no clue if I am going to keep trying to "get out there" or not....time will tell BUT here is the good news.


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