Saturday, November 01, 2008
Looking in all the wrong places
Current mood: thoughtful
Why do we always look for things in the wrong places first? Car keys, the remote, your sanity....and love. Why are we driven to find things or "stuff" or people to make us feel something? Our minds are amazingly rich and colorful and powerful and we have access to them all the time, yet when we want or need something we look everywhere, everywhere, but inside first.
I mention this because I have heard, seen or experienced this firsthand so many times this past few weeks. So many of us are emotional vampires. We have something missing inside us so we will find some other thing that we think will fill that void and suck the marrow out of it and hope it fills up all the empty places inside. The bitch of it is that is never does, at least for long, and that thing we leeched onto usually has some kind of godawful side effect that will come back and bite us sooner than later. The hangover, the caffenine crash, the bitter ache of a broken heart....and since no one wants to feel any of that we get right back into vampire mode and go hunting for "that thing" again.
This is the truth- we are never gonna find "that thing" from any place other than inside our own hearts and mind. That is (as I am found of saying) a "what is". It's a solid gold fact and no one, logically, can argue that point. That being said...I think this is THE most difficult thing in life to a) just learn and accept to be true and b) to ever achieve. I'd be a total hypocrit if I even pretended to tell you that even though I know happiness lies within me (I -am- wearing the ruby slippers and can go home whenever I want) I look everyday for something to come along and do it for me. If a boy loved me I would be happy. If I was a size 6 I would be happy. If my mother loved me like that way I need to her to love me I would be happy. If I had more money I would be happy.
Would I? Would I really? Or would I just find another empty place inside and start looking on the outside some more for a whole new "that thing" to fill up those new empty spots...
I don't know how we can release ourselves from the torture of that pursuit but if we could at least let it soak in- for just a second- that if we can get quiet enough... and listen to what our hearts are whispering...maybe, just maybe we can get to our "happy place". And once we know the way, maybe we can get there more and more often until we stay...happy in our own house inside our hearts.