The Next Act

I feel like I have just opened my book to a crisp clean new chapter. We are still following the same fabulously flawed characters you have come to love (namely, yours truly) and picked up a few new intriguing characters who we don't know well yet but seem to hold a ton of promise.

The setting is the same- a throw back in fact. But the scene has been reset and the hush has fallen over the crowd in the bubbling excitement over what comes next.

What indeed?

That's pretty much the question on the table isn't it? My life has fallen into that "unscripted reality" genre and god knows I am making this all up as I go. I was just talking to Chris about how much I wish I knew how close to the end I am. How long until I hit my weight loss goal? How long until I get the surgery I need to fix 30+ years of abuse I heaped upon my body? How long until I get my projects launched and out there for the world to hear my story....and maybe give a tiny spark of hope to someone who could really use a story that speaks to them. A story of someone who has had similar challenges and just needs that hand to help life them up!

It would all be so much easier if I knew that I just had to keep plugging away for another 6 months and then

:::KAPOW::::

:::BLAM::::

........it is all there before me, served right up on a silver platter (held by Chris who is wearing a tux and holding a rose between his teeth- hey, my dream I can visualize what I like).

But alas, there is no such prognostication device. The only one I trust anyways is my Muppet Magic 8 Ball and it give me answers to my questions like "Bork!" and my fave "Wocka Wocka."

So....clean pages before me and as Natasha says I AM Unwritten. So what do I write? How do I create this next part?

Well first I need to get my ass into gear at work and create some revenue for myself. I have to pay down my credit cards and keep my head above water. I also need to have some play money for the trips and adventures Chris and I have discussed. We are even looking at ways to make these trips pay for themselves but more on that later....maybe.

And speaking of my newest character....he is going to help me with my planning for these other projects. He has a background that lends itself to some special skills and insights that will prove exceptionally helpful in the execution of my evil plans. I have done as much as I know how to do and gone as far as I can go on my own.

Now I know I need some heavy lifters to get me up to that next level. People like Michael who is helping my fitness by working with me as a personal trainer (if you are in Phoenix and would like his help let me know I can put you in touch- he has been great!). People like my yoga instructor Mary at Desert Song who is helping me with my mind, body connection (and totally told me I was rocking with how well my practice is progressing!). People like my boss Jason at TriStaff who believe in me professionally and will give me the opportunity to prove myself and even kick my ass when it needs kicked.

And brilliant,wonderful people like Chris who want to help me be the best me I can become. He is shaping up to be an excellent partner in crime for all my misadventures. Now is the time to fall back, regroup and then take down the bunker, decimate the enemy and win this fucking war once and for all!

Oh....and you guys. My fans and readers...I will never be able to tell you enough how much it means to me that you care enough to read along with me and support me. I can feel it all around me all the time and it helps. It really helps.

I have been trying for a long time to live my life as an example for others....whether that is an example of what to do or what NOT to do is for you to decide. The one thing I do have dialed in though is the fact that NO ONE does this alone. Social Media has cast a glaring light on that subject which I think is pretty awesome. We ARE connected, we do have this need to belong and be part of a group,to be part of anything that is bigger than we are. It makes us feel connected and part of the bigger picture even when you are at your weakest and most powerless....that's when you can turn to your network and just ask for help. A whisper or a shout....doesn't matter. Help will come because you are connected to others. Ask for help and it will be there....it will be your soft place to land.

Athletes figure this out day one. They have people around them all the time supporting them and helping them grow. There is no reason why you can't have a stable of personal coaches for yourself. Have a list of people who you can go to for "x". You actually already have that list but I doubt you have taken the time to really think about and thank or just appreciate those people who are on your list. Do yourself and them a big favor and reach out to them today and say thanks.....you might be surprised that the person who gets a thanks is YOU!

We are not alone and we don't have to do any of it by ourselves. So thank you to my support team. I love you all and I wish many many blessing upon you as you have blessed me in ways I will need a lifetime to thank you for......

Got your plan?

Next step.....execute it!

Things to do to not F*ck Up

Note to self......ex boyfriends will never never never give you the answers you are looking for so don't ever expect them to fix a relationship that has been dead for over a decade and a half. And as much pleasure it might seem to give you to torture them and grill them about what exactly was so fucked up about you that they didn't want you....you will still be left in the same place emotionally because there is no time machine to go back and fix things better left in the past and CSI'ing the remains will not help you navigate the waters of a brand new relationship because there is a whole new set of variables now.

Please, can someone be in charge of reminding me about that often? God knows my ex's would be ever so pleased.

So my task for the evening has failed utterly....that task being to really really try to figure out what my most high risk behaviors are that lead to me self sabatoging all good things that come into my life. Odd that my task failed as is seemed to work out so well for John Cusak in the movie High Fidelity (the book also rocks btw- Nick Hornby rules).

So here is my short list of Things to do to not fuck things up....

be super busy every moment of every day so you won't have time to be thinking (ie- dwelling) about stupid things (like...I wonder if he will just magically knock on my door just cuz I am thinking about him)

leave your phone turned off or in the other room so you do not look at it obsessively willing it to ring with the power of your mind

plan lots of things because the second you do he will want to make plans for the time and date that you just booked

do not express every thought that pops into your head and for damn sure do NOT blog about it

don't be yourself....be yourself lite, the kinder and gentler version of you

take your meds

go with the out of sight out of mind philosophy- if he isn't here he doesn't really exist

begin drinking....fuck the diet

talk to friends who are a much bigger hot mess than you are so you feel totally balanced and normal in comparrison

talk to ex bf's to figure out where it all went wrong ....what's wrong with you people?? that was a test! and no one even tried to stop me. You all suck!!!

spend money like you have it, fuck the fact you are making less money for the same job you did 2 months ago

spend free time watching YouPorn to study up for the next "at bat" you get

keep up with the "gardening" if you weed it, they will come....

oh....and this one is really really important

critical in fact....

you may want to write this down....

do NONE of the above because you are clearly on crack and just need to RELAX......grrrrrrrr

sometimes it is exhausting being me.....

Sitting on the Sidelines

So this whole relationship/dating stuff never gets any easier does it? I mean....I feel like I have been out of the game for awhile, and the last time I played I had a whole different agenda. Less happily ever after and more search and destroy back then.

I have to start by saying how lucky I feel. I know how rare it is to run across someone you just feel glad to know. Period. In any context. And the fact that he is open enough to my life and situation to be cool with me including him in this blog is just awesome. Who does that? Who starts seeing someone and gives them permission to throw out the details of your relationship to the world (at least -my- world). The answer is he does and I am really grateful.

And not to worry, there are plenty of private details that are just between us :)

But this actually isn't about him, its about me.

Like how confusing for me to feel so content and relaxed while at the same moment being scared and flat out panicked. I have been thinking about it alot. Why do I have this urge to rush things. Why was I so fucking driven to go from first date to picking out china patterns in the first week? Why do I feel like I have to "close this deal" or he will disappear forever? Why can't I just relax and breath and let things grow and go where they are meant to go? Cuz I gotta tell ya, that ain't gonna happen if it is left in my hands.

I think it goes back to the same well as everything else. I can sugar coat it and dance around it and throw out some colorful analogies (I do love my analogies) but honestly I am mostly afraid that "he" (the universal he- not Chris specifically) is embarrassed by me. And I am afraid of that because I am still embarrassed about myself.

I have spent so long on the sidelines watching couples together. How they touch each other, how they hold hands, how they kiss, how they look at each other. I watch not from some weird voyeuristic place but from a place of profound, aching longing. I have wanted what they have for so long it physically hurts my heart. I would spend so much time denying that fact but the truth was always there and I couldn't escape it. Especially when it was right in line in front of me watching as she would slip her fingers into his back pocket and lean over to kiss his neck. And he reaches up to push her hair back behind her ear as he smiled this smile that just colored her all over with his love.

God I want that -and I want people to see that and know I am the person who is getting that kind of affection bestowed upon me.

But as I have watched scenes like that unfold a hundred times before me I have also wondered about the judgements people have. The whole what is HE doing with HER? He can do sooo much better than that. Gawd, if she can find someone anyone can! Has anyone ever thought that about me? Would they now if they saw me out with someone?

I think it would just be so cool to walk into a crowded room or a party on the arm of a guy who can't wait to show me off and is proud of me. I don't know that I have ever felt that. I have felt the opposite so many times though. Real or perceived I have just felt more often than not that when guy has taken me out he has been embarrassed. Maybe it was too many times sitting at the back tables. Or too many dates where we just stayed in and never went into public at all. Or maybe it was the being out but no touching once we were outside my bedroom. Which is another reason why I probably focused to much on sex. It was the one place I was certain to get touched.

I don't know how many kisses by a beautiful fountain it will take to make that feeling go away or how many adventure we have before I can relax and not feel like I have to milk every ounce of joy out of each moment because I am scared to death that it is going to be the last moment I have. That is actually my latest work in progress. To really focus on being in the moment and not be thinking 10 moves ahead including how to keep him from leaving cuz I just can't shake the fear that when he leaves I will never see or hear from him again...especially when we have not locked down plans for next time we get together. It's scary to let him go. Very scary.

The one thing scarier then never having love in my life is to have it and let it slip away. I just look forward to that moment where I just know. Where I know to the core of my soul that I am safe, and respected and loved and that "he" (the universal he) is proud of me.

In every way.... and I am proud of me too!

I am never gonna be normal

All this work....all this effort. Hours on the treadmill and elliptical, hundreds of squats. Hours of stretching and posing on my yoga mat. Never cheating once in over a year on my diet.....

It's never gonna give me the perfect body.

I know this. And I know YOU know this. And I know that you know that I know this....none of which changes how much that sucks.

Ok, I don't even need perfect. I'll shoot for not embarrassing.

I went through my closet today and put aside some more clothes that I just can't wear but this time it wasn't just because they are too small. Now I need clothes that have camouflage power.

I want to be proud of all I have accomplished I really do but its hard to feel good swishing around in a skirt when I can literally see the skin on my legs ripple just from a glamour girl spin. I really wish I was exaggerating about that- I am not, even a little. And you can forget a cute little cap sleeve. I need at least elbow length to cover the arm flaps. At least my thighs are pretty well covered most of the time. I obsess enough about them (flabby with a bonus side of varicose veins- sweet) without having to worry who might be taking a peek at them besides me.

It's such a fucking long road. And I have accepted that life has consequences both good and bad for all decisions you make and the consequence of letting yourself hit 418 lbs is you have baggage. Hanging off you....at all times. It is a 24/7 reminder of what I did to myself. My own flesh and blood albatross.

And how bizarre is it to dream about a day when you can cut off your own skin? God that sounds gross! And not the I literally think about having a chunk off (ewwww) anyone in my family of medical freaks (anyone else grow up talking about blood clots while eating tomato soup for dinner?) can tell you I am not sick and wrong like that. In other ways, sure but not like that.

And you know what? Even when/if (cuz it might not- thats just reality) that happens I still won't be perfect. I will then be Frankenstein with big scars all over me. That is the trade off and I still won't look perfect.

I might look a little better naked though.

Fuck, I just don't know what else to do but keep walking the path I have laid out for myself but its hard. Some days more than others but its always there in my mind. I am always thinking about it.

Have my efforts been worth it then?

Of course they have....absolutely and without a doubt. It was worth it and it will keep being worth it- each inch (and at this point all progress in measured in inches not miles)I move closer to my goal proves it was worth it.

But.....

(sigh)

GRRRRRR

Bored bored bored......I am fricking bored. My house is clean, dishes done. I will be working out with Michael tonight so I can't work out yet and I am fucking broke so that limits any outside activity.

B O R E D

Solitude always brings out the worst in me... time out here and there is great but leave me alone, adrift and bad things happen. Like right now I am cranky and pissy as hell. Couldn't tell you exactly why. I am seeing (3 times now- new world record!!) a great guy who doesn't seem ready to bolt on me at a given moment. (The GPS tracker I slipped into his shoes when he came over last night should help should that change.) He is really into me personally and even wants to partner with me professionally- which I always hoped for in a "potential" someone....he is even playing along with the blog here (reading and commenting) and I really really like kissing him a bunch.

I am going back to my old job....downside is the money sucks (but its more than nothing) and I will pretty much be working alone BUT its got a ton of freedom for me to do what I do. Its the next best thing to working for myself which I hope is in the not too distant future.

I had my best blogging month ever- and you guys seem to be enjoying it. (yes? no?) I had 800 views last month and I will soon have passed the number of entries I made in 09 over all of 08! Guess I have a lot more to say this year....

So why am I this moody bitch today? No, I am asking....anyone got a clue?

Damn, me neither.

In regards to my current romantic situation I am so excited about seeing where this goes and what can happen. It has been so so long since I have met someone I could see any kind of future with-up to and including just the next date. It is thrilling to me to have Chris tell me about trips and plans he is thinking of for us in the near future (implying that he not only is going to be around but thinks about it when we aren't together?? wtf?? wow....). This could end up being a very busy summer in a very good way. But I gotta say I am scared.....I can't keep that little voice in the back of my head quite. The one that is sneering at me asking me what am I gonna do to fuck this one up? I have a long history of self sabatage and one would hope that eventually you get over it but what if you don't? All I can do is be really aware of what I say and do and watch those random impulses I get (tricky those things are cuz sometimes they are very good but sometimes.....bad, very very bad)

I guess I really hope I will get some help in the not fucking it up part. I hope Chris will be the kind of guy who can call bullshit on me when he sees me going in a bad direction. Of course he is gonna have to get to know me better to get a good baseline of what is "acceptable" craziness by Tracey standards. He was talking about how he can see how close I am to realizing my full potential and he has a knack for bringing that out in people. I hope that is true and I hope that I can give him something he needs as well. I want to be there for him as much as he is talking about being there for me.....it'd be nice to get there together.

Arrrghhhh. I need to just chill out and find a project to get into. I will be going back to work Thursday.....was Monday, then Friday now Thursday...I am sure by the end of the day it will be come in tomorrow. So I should just fucking chill out right? Enjoy the break, bask in the new relationship and great sex.....right??

Ok, I'll try.....but no promises.

The Halloween Story

(continuing with the college years.....)

So Wendy was a hideous monster of a person and living with her was like walking through a mine field. You just never knew when this chick would blow up. Janet was/is a very cute petite girl and Wendy decided she was going to get down to her size so she went on a laxative diet and dropped a bunch of weight. What that meant was poor Janet's closet became fair game for Wendy. Asking not necessary....although if she had asked the answer would have been yes not the taking thing, not so cool. Not even my closet was immune though. I remember sitting down and noticing Wendy was wearing a familiar garment of clothing. I went to see if I could find my item of clothing that looked exactly like the one she was wearing and -shocker- it was not there! I came back in the living room and sat down and must have had a quizzical look on my face cuz she asked me what was wrong. I told her I couldn't find my white sports bra and she said oh...you mean this one as she grabbed her ample chest (stretched it out thank you very much). Ummm yeah- that one. I nodded and she got up and gave me a look like I was the stupidest bitch to ever fall off the apple cart.

She worked as a aid in a nursing home (I can only imagine how delightful she was with her patients) and I remember we had to be very careful to make sure whatever movie we were watching when she got home (we would watch movies allllll the time waiting for her then we would go out to the bars) and if it was the wrong movie (and there was no telling what "wrong" was on any given night) she would fly into a rage or pout or whatever random extreme emotion bubbled to the surface.

Ahhhhh good times.....

Eventually her man crazy ways were successful and she succeed in trapping a poor guy named Brad into being her love monkey. To this day I don't understand what a guy as nice as he was saw in her but she got her hooks in good and eventually moved in with him. Last I heard they moved to FL and god help us all but I think she procreated.....I can only hope the kid takes after its dad!

To say Janet and I were relived is such an understatement. We danced around singing "ding dong the witch is dead" and I swear the whole place seemed lighter and brighter the second she left. It was as if even the sun beams feared to come in with her around. And don't think I am kidding about the singing and dancing.....literally we had a "wendy is gone" happy dance. It was great.

With her gone this began a stream of random roommates- usually recruited by me.

I was drinking an awful lot at the time so I can't recall exactly the order.....I might need to confer with Janet to help place them all but they all made up what we called the "special guest role" in our wacky little sitcom.

Again, not sure of the true order but let's start with John.

Oh John......what can I say about him.

He was a total country bumpkin. From small town Iowa USA. He was from a town so small they came to my hometown (which is small by most standards) and called it "coming into town". I met him while I was going to community college (which I paid for entirely on tips from Pizza Hut thank you very much) and he was a total and utter dork. He was the male equivalent to a dumb blond and was just goofy in a harmless puppy dog kinda way. I have great affection for the freaks of the world and although his antics were annoying as hell he was a dear. Oh and he was gay....he was soooooo gay he practically had flames shooting from his finger tips and yet he claimed to be straight as a board. He often spoke of the one sexual experience he ever had.....a poor lass we dubbed "Katie the wonderfuck" because she was obviously sooooo good he never had to go back to the well again. He would tell the story of their "special moment"often (toooo often) and he talked about how he could just go and go and go (ummm, perhaps because pumping a chick wasn't what was gonna do it for you? just a guess....)

Lesse.....here is a short list of some of John's little adventures:

he accidentally shut our cat in the fridge for god know how long....all I know is I came home to a cat-sicle (she was fine, frosted whiskers but fine)

he never ever cleaned up his messes prompting Janet one in a fit of litter induced rage to take a pizza box he had left on the counter and drive it into his bedroom door with a butcher knife and a note warning him to pick his shit up or else !!

he took longer to get ready than we did (not gay?? puhleezzeeee)

he bumped into things, all the time like the guy could barely walk 10 feet without knocking something over

We did have some good times with him to be truthful....he was just so damn easy to mess with! You could tell him anything and he would totally believe it. It was a great game to come up with the most extreme things we could just to see how far we could go before we would lose him. The answer? Pretty damn far.....

During the week of Halloween we decided that we were going to watch scary movies every night of the week. Janet, John and I cuddled up on our couch and drove into the land of Freddy, Jason and Michael and all their buddies. The great things for me is Janet and John were both very jumpy and I was ruthless in my torture of them....poking and grabbing themas the scary music swelled making them jump out of their skins. I think one time John even peed a little.

So this went all week and one night I get home from work (the mall- retailsville, I was managing a video store at the time) and the whole house was dark and there were no cars. This was weird because we went as a group places and even if they took off someone's car would have still been there. And then I got to the stairs (which were their own horror show, the staircase was barely attached and completely dangerous- hey, we lived on the edge!) and the light was out.

Okkkkkk....weird

Then I get to the door and there is a note tapped to the door saying that they had all gone out with my good friend Ms. Julie Wilkening. So great to have old friends blend with your new friends. So this is weird too because Janet would totally have called me to let me know the plan and she never would have left without me. Still, whatever....except when I walked in the door there were 3 versions of the same note on the table??

I walk in and the light in the living room is out but I walk right over to the fridge and grab a soda. Then I notice the cat didn't run out to see me. Hmmmm

:::bump, rustle, thud:::::

What's that?

I start to walk down the long hall from the living room to the bedrooms and see Janet's door is shut....which it never was but figured that was where the cat was so ok. Then I see a light in my bedroom.

I stop for a second.

Then the light swooshes around my room and the noises coming from it get louder.

What the hell?

.......and here is where it gets scary. I charge. Literally charge into my room to find a hooded figure crouched over my dresser going through my drawers. They had a flashlight and was digging away in my stuff.

Did I:

a. turn and running away?

b. faint in a huge pile of girly-ness?

c. go running in the room screaming like a banshee "get the fuck outta my house" and charge the figure with no weapon but my wrath?

the answer would be c.....and I gotta admit not the best of those options. You never know what you are gonna do in adrenaline charged situations and that is how I found out what my default setting was....

So I am screaming and going after this guy and as I lunge he stands up and....waitaminute....that's not a bad guy or Michael or even Jason come to kill me....it's, it's....it's fucking JULIE!!!!!

She stood up and looked at me....a bit panicked I think at what I was about to do to her and flipped on the light.

At that moment my roomies Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum come bursting out of Janet's room hysterically laughing.

Pissed

I was soooooooo pissed.

I was LIVID and they all knew it.

No one spoke to me, they just set about getting the car situation under control. Apparently they had all parked about a mile away at the QuickTrip (now Kum & Go- ugh). I later found out they had been playing this whole scene for days and days and got so freaked out planning it they were scaring themselves but they were determined to get me back for scaring them so much.

It was the one time they succeeded......well played friend. Well played.

College days- a throw back posting

Ok I am home, bored and waiting by the phone to get my employment situation figured out so I figured I would blog a bit to entertain myself....

It occured to me that I have a new audience that really knows nothing about me prior to this moment in time so I thought I'd throw out some throw back stories as good background info. If you were there you can feel free to skip these next posts....unless you were there and drunk off your ass (Janet and Von) and this might be a good reminder and/or alternate version of events.

Ahhhhh where to begin?

Ok. My best friend in the world is Janet. I'll never forget the day we met. It was at ISU and it was a huge lecture class at 8am. Why in gods green earth they ever schedule morning classes in college I'll never know- and even more astounding is the fact that people sign up for these classes. The class was a psych class called something like Sex and Sexuality. Sounds like something that would keep a group of college students attention right? WRONG- ohmigod it was taught by the worst teacher in the world....this guy was so old and dried up he was crusty and his lectures were all completely monotone. It was brutal sitting there and just in an effort to force myself to stay awake I sat near the front and in the center of the room. Of course this just made it a bit more embarassing when I did nod off....and I did, often but at least I was trying!

So one day in class I noticed this way cute short haired girl walking from the back of the room where she sat and she bounced all the way down to the front of the room. She made a bee line over to me and asked if she could borrow my notes as she had missed some of the class lectures (because she was napping to most likely). She introduced herself and I gave her my notes and we were pretty much inseperable from that moment on and for the next 6 years. I asked her many times why of all the people in that room she picked me (she walked by at least 50 people on her way over to me) and she said she just thought I looked nice. Awwww

Geesh there are so many stories about our life together. In fact we used to joke all the time about how our life should be a sitcom (see, this idea has been rolling around my head for a long time). We both lived off campus and at home and eventually we hooked up with this girl named Wendy who became our third muskateer. What I can tell you looking back about Wendy is- if all the hot mess drama queens in the world ever gathered together in one place they would all fall to their knees in worship when she walked in the room. This girl could make walking across the carpet into a drama filled, bust into tears moment that would need hours of discusssion to get her off the ledge.

One of her first major antics that I was witness to was she had opened her mothers mail (that's bad right?) and took a preapproved credit app and filled it out and got a credit card with a 5k limit which she proceeded to max out in just a few weeks. She bought cd's, stero systems, a tv, perfume (I can still smell it- Tresor), clothes.....and drinks. Lots and lots of drinks. We began hanging out at a bar called Hunky Dory's (hey, I didn't pick the name) and soon became diva-level regulars. Since we knew the manager (Ian) and all the bouncers and bartenders we -never- paid a cover charge and god forbid if there was someone new working the door who didn't know who we were- pfft. Our wrath was swift for such underlings and there was no pity. We even had the DJ's play set list tailor made for us....it was cool.

In fact there was one particular night that Wendy drug us to some random bar in BFE to see this band cuz she was all hot for one of the band members (who, as it turned out wanted nothing to do with her...and he was pretty gross and nasty) so we were "late" in arriving to our bar. No kidding, everyone was so worried about us that the manager of the bar called all our houses to find out where we were and if we were ok. Yes....the manager of a bar called my mother (and mind you I am 22 at this time) to see why her daughter was not already sloppy drunk on his dance floor. Classic.....

So Wendy was slutty and evil but in the history of my life I have to give her credit for it was she who found our Shangri-la, our hideaway....our crib. Ok the reason she found it was cuz her mom found out about the credit card scam and threw her out of the house. We had all been kicking around the idea of getting a place together and this just kinda gave us the shove we needed. I have no idea how she found our place but she called us to come look at it and it was the perfect college crib.

It is super close to all the college bars but yet right on the edge of town where it started to turn into "the country". This is in Ames, IA btw.....we were attending ISU at the time. It was a house that had been converted into apartment. The first floor was 3 one bedroom units and our was one three bedroom unit. Wendy took the master bedroom (which she always kept a total pigsty, this chick was exploding disaster where ever she walked) and Janet and I took the other 2 bedrooms which had an adjoining closet. The kitchen was straight out of the 50's but since we were not so much with the cooking that didn't matter (actually Janet is a very good cook and every so often would suprise me with breakfast- that rocked). We had a huge black bar/island that served as a pantry and what was the half bath/laundry room we turned into the make-up room. I had a vanity that I stuck in there and that was where we got ready....and trust me if you are living with 2 other women you need more than one bathroomto get ready in. Especially Janet who could easily take close to 2 hours to get ready. God knows I sat there and watched her go through her routine often enough but to this day I could still not tell you what took her so long (these days she tells me she is lucky to get out the door with her teeth brushed having 2 kids under the age of 5).

The best part of the house was our huge living room. It was massive and there were huge windows all around. This was great in the summer because we had no air conditioning and we got a great breeze. In fact the first time I ever had air conditioning in a house I lived in was Chicago. In the winter those windows were not our friend....as I mentioned it was an old house and not so much with the insulation. We would nail blankets and plastic over the windows to keep out the drafts and even then we couldn't have lived without my little space heater. We also had huge deep closets in the dining room area. The plus side to this was it was excellent storage for the massive amounts of cans we accumulated from our soda and beer habits. We would fill up the cabinets and then when we couldn't stuff another can in there we would go the mile (seriously) to cash in our cans and buy more beer. We would usually have like $30 worth of cans. One of the issues we had with our landlord later was ummmm, a bit of an ant problem because of years of very sticky closets being great feeding grounds for the ants. oops.....

This was the setting now for a thousand wonderful, weird and just buck wild crazy times....stay tuned and I will roll these stories out when my current life bores me ;)