Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Getting what I NEED

It used to be such an easy question to answer....."Hey Tracey, how's it going?"

A "good thanks" or a "s'ok, how bout you?" used to do the The answer takes a ton more consideration depending on who is doing the asking (and if they follow the blog or are my Facebook friend- lots of info in those status updates!!) And recently there is behind the scenes stuff brewing that hasn't made it into the blog yet....and may or may not ever be "blogworthy" and frankly since -I- know all the info I forget who knows what and where I posted what so's it going? The answer depends on how far down the rabbit hole you actually want to go.

In an attempt to answer that question for y'all let me catch you up as best I can.

Fine thanks.....and you?

Ok, just kidding. Here is the dish...


I have one, at least one, and hope to have several others by the end of the week. Options are good so I am busy working on closing as many offers as I can and then have my pick. I have one solid offer in hand that I am interested in, one verbal offer that I am VERY excited about and 3 other companies I am in the final interview stages in that have potential and are basically my insurance policies. Basically I am feeling comfortable enough that I am not actively applying for anything new although until I have started somewhere (and even after) I am keeping my options open. It doesn't look like I will have a start date on any of them until Aug 31st which sucks for my bank account but it is utterly beyond my control so all I can do is spread my pennies as far as I can and see what happens. It's all baby steps right now but I do feel good about the offers I have and have pending and am confident the right thing will sink and this little blip in my career will be in the past.

In the meantime the job I still have is pulling me back- I have to go to the office tomorrow and register a bunch of temps and my boss talked to me today about staying. I would in a heartbeat but as he isn't paying me anymore it makes it tough. He did tell me the door is open and I always have a job with him. Great, lemme know when it is a PAYING job again. Not that I am not grateful....hrrmmmm.


::::::deep schmoopy sigh::::::
(for those who want the backstory on schmoopy click the link- and blame Fran for calling us schmoopy in the first place)

What can I say? I have waited my whole life for this type of love. I may have been in love before but it has never been this complete. Chris is the perfect man for me. He is literally everything I have ever wanted or hoped for and I know I he came into my life at the exact right time. If I had met him a second before I did I would not have been ready for all that he has to offer me. Even now he scares the crap out of me because he is there for me 100% which means if I push, even if I push real hard...he isn't going anywhere. And if I become a total dumbass and sabotage myself and our relationship, he isn't gonna run away.
Do you have any idea of how scary that is?? This guy is here and in my life in a very real way for the long long haul. This is a forever kind of relationship and as amazing as that is to say (just shy of our 3 monthaversary I might add) it is even more amazing to be a part of. We have already had so much life thrown at us and we will have even more challenges come up because like me, he isn't about to take the easy, safe path. He is there beside me trucking straight for the deep end of the pond. Not to say it's all about me- it is for sure not. He is his own person and has his own projects and his own way of doing things. He is the anchor in our relationship and slows me down when I wanna run to the edge and lean waaaaaay over. Which is good and let's face it, I need a leash now and then. Yet I am pulling him ahead and getting him to places he didn't expect to go so soon and I am pretty sure he is glad he is there (now)...
Right baby?? :)

I am just so at peace with him and his place in my life. He spent the WHOLE weekend with me (relationship milestone) and we did all these domestic chores, laundry, cooking (him -obviously) and it felt so right. I even cleared out a cupboard for him and all the ingredients we bought so he can make me yummy things like chicken satay. He even has his own drawer in my dresser- bonus of getting rid of all my bigger clothes is there is plenty of closet space for him now! Oh and we have officially begun the meeting of each others friends....which will go much better when MY friends stop flaking out. Oh well....(and yes, we will be coming to Iowa at some point.)

So yeah......for the first time in my life I am in total bliss when it come to love. It's not perfect, nothing is....but it's perfect for us and that is all that matters.
I love you Chris...MY boy.


This is where the meat of my life is right the "other" category. I am on the fence about how much to talk about so forgive the vague-ness right now. What I can tell you is BIG and POWERFUL things are happening in my life having to do with sharing my story. I have had a few interesting meetings and conversations and getting some great feedback.

The thing that is most important to me about these next steps is being very true to who I am and what this journey has been about for me. At the end of the day I think there are a ton of lessons that can be learned from my story and everyone can take something different from it...and dozens more lessons I am learning about myself everyday. I don't need to shout from the rooftops how much weigh I lost cuz its not even about that really, that was just the journey I took- all I want is for people to know they YOU are wearing the ruby slippers and whatever it is you want to change, you can whatever the journey you need to take is. Just click your heels cuz you can go home anytime you want, you just have to call it out and then execute (the part The Secret forgets to talk about). You are already the person you need to be, you have every single thing you need to be AMAZING at whatever you want to accomplish in life. All you need is to unlock that potential and unleash the POWER you have onto the world.....just yell out "duck!" before you dothe unleashing cuz that's how people get hurt! ;)
It's hard and scary....I am the last person who will say it's easy but it can be done by ANYONE who is willing to get out on their skinny branches are reach for the end. And when you have the right people around you, ones you KNOW will never let you fall (unless falling is what you need to happen in your life- and sometimes it is) that is cool stuff.

This keeps coming back to me: The universe doesn't give you what you WANT, it gives you what you NEED.

What do you need?

No comments: