Sunday, August 23, 2009

Don't Last

I feel like I have been in reactive mode for so long now. I have just been in survival mode and been "just getting through" whether it was getting through this day or this week or that mythical "just until x" happens....whatever x is and whatever magic thing will happen when x gets here.

Again, I realize fully that I am not so special and some people go through their whole lives in reactive mode. I just want to get ahead of this curve for once and as I said in the last blog really grab the reigns of my own life and start taking control. Now some would argue that me getting my weigh under control was doing just that but to me that was just getting something out of control back in line which is not quite the same thing. I feel like I have gotten it back to where it should have been all along and -now- where I take it is me taking control. And I have to admit I am finding it hard to get the motivation to get all hard core again. Now that I have stepped off the wagon for a bit it is so so hard to get back to where I was before. I am hoping that getting back into a routine will help with that but the truth is I haven't been making myself a priority because just keeping my head above water has been such a chore.

I want so much for the future. I want to build a life and family with Chris. I want to start traveling. I want to get a house that Chris and I can call our own. I want to share my story with as many people who need to hear it. I want security and stability and I want to give back.

I know I have so many of the building blocks I need in place and now I just need to recommit to the path I have started to walk down. The past 2 months were a stumble and a slide down and I am scratched and bloodied up a bit but no permanent damage and now it's time to brush myself off, shake it off and attack that mountain again.

Tough times don't last but tough people do.....I will last and thrive and be fabulous. Watch me!

No comments: