Thursday, November 5, 2009

Being a LOSER

So what is life like after one loses 200+ lbs? I just got done watching the Biggest Loser and ironically Tracey (not me, duh) went home tonight. I didn't really like her and kinda mad she has my name (even spelled the same way- weird) but it did get me thinking about the happy sparkly packages they show of everyone "after the show".

There are fat pant clips (feel free to revisit my rant about this topic), clips of sweaty people in gyms still working out consistently and totally loving life.

Is it real?

I am sure most of it is, most days. But here I am my very own Biggest Loser and its not all sparkly and shiny. I don't have my fat pants cuz I gave them all away as soon as I grew out of them and while I struggle to find that happy balance in "the real world" my new pants are starting to get a bit tight again. For me life is not easy peasy post weight loss. Not that I feel I am at the end of my weight loss journey but for a variety of reasons this summer totally threw me off my game and I haven't yet found my way back to a schedule and routine I can live with.

So for me, not so easy, and I think that is important for people to know. I knew going into this whole process that the back end part would be the real struggle and it is living up to what I expected. I feel like I have always been pretty realistic about what I can and can't do and what to expect. It is just another stretch of road that needs to be traveled.

I was at such a high level with my workouts back in July and when I go to workout now I get so pissed that I am not at that level anymore. I know I worked like a fiend to get where I was and I need to let me body slowly build back up but I find myself getting tired and frustrated and then I give up and don't workout the rest of the week.

It's a struggle....and I still find myself very conflicted with the whole world of "treats". I want to be a person who can have "A" cookie and that's it but if I have "A" cookie I find myself also grabbing a caramel latte to wash it down and then if I have already had that why not have a few other "treats" as long as I am "good" tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and I already blew it yesterday so why not just wait and start over on that most coveted day of all dieters....c'mon, say it with me: The diet starts on MONDAY! (coughbullshitcough)

I know I can resist, I did it for a WHOLE why can I not keep it together right now? I am trying not to beat myself up about it but I live in mortal fear everyday of the scale creeping up the wrong direction. And let's face it, I can't go back to where I was. I can't afford the new pants!!

So yeah, in my opinion life after being a Loser is better, no question. It is also a whole new set of challenges and struggles and I haven't scene THAT show yet.....but I am a living Loser everyday.

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