Thursday, February 18, 2010

Not fixed yet....


Not in my most cuddly mood today. I am actually pretty freaking upset with the world in general. It sucks cuz earlier this week I was feeling pretty peaceful and calm. I was thinking things are in a good groove and it will be nice to coast all easy breezy for awhile.

But not feeling the love today...

I am just so mad at not being able to stay where I had got down to with my weight. I am so mad that even though I am trying (I know, powerless word) to get back into a routine and get back to healthier eating habits life seems to get in the way. And I know I don't have even a teeny portion of the challenges other people have so its making me think I have no other options than to go back to the cookie diet.

I am just so disappointed in myself that the pants I had thrown in a bag bound for Goodwill are now back in my rotation because the pants I have are starting to get way too tight. I never wanted to go back up the scale and yet here I am.

I keep watching The Biggest Loser (really miss it with the Olympics on) and they preach getting to the emotion- figuring out what got you there to begin with...and for some reason I can't see it. I can see my lack of impulse control and the need to punish myself with food but I can't see why...and I guess until I do I will keep struggling.

In the meantime I really want to smash all the mirrors in my house. It just hurts to look.....

3 comments:

Kimmero said...

Hi Tracey! I guess I've "lurked" quietly long enough. I've been reading your blog ever since the article in the hometown paper. I'm with you - side-by-side on the crazy weightloss adventure. I guess I took the "easier" way out doing lap-band but for me it was the only way unless wiring my jaw shut permanently was an option. It's been a long haul too - not an over night fix. On 2/26/10 it will be my 2 year anniversary and I just reached my 100 pound loss milestone. Still have a "weighs" to go but feel so much better. I so wish I had advice for you to make it easier but sadly, I don't. Hang in there - there are LOTS of people behind you. Kim

Susan Leverentz said...

Hey Tracey!
It's important not to dwell on a setback. That will just make it easier and easier to get off track. I know. It's what's happened to me over the last few years. Instead of taking all the blame and turning it into more self doubt, realize how far you've come. Your journey inspires countless people. It's probably even more inspiring to hear that you still have to work at this. That you can't just go on "auto pilot" and have a perfect life because you loose the pounds. Life will get in the way. But don't get in your own way by beating yourself up about it. You are a beautiful, smart, funny, talented person who has accomplished more than most people ever will. You are my hero and I just wanted you to know that you haven't failed. Your honesty and openness are what keeps you the powerful force that you are. Love you!

TommyP said...

Hey Trey - setbacks suck, but hang in there - you can totally get back to where you were and then some. Remember, if you did it once, you can do it again. And if you need to blow off some frustration, I recommend crank calling John McCain's office with a series of increasingly bizarre and unhingwd constituent requests. Hang in there!