I have been drifting around in a bit of a trance today. Just soaking up the feeling of being safe and secure and totally content. Lord knows its not a feeling that comes around in MY life often so I am soaking it up like a sponge. I just am tingling with this feeling. I feel like the whole world can see my every thought and each thought is of and about love.
I love Chris for a thousand reasons. The way he looks at me, the way he puts me ahead of his own needs (even when he should put himself first- right baby?), the way he holds me....but most of all I love how he sees me. He really sees me. I have never had someone so close to me who is watching me and actively trying to figure me out. He is so observant and intuitive and he is making me look at myself in a whole new way. He has pointed out some of my mannerisms and just the methods that I tackle as I go about life in a way I never noticed or thought of in quite the way he has seen. It's been fascinating as someone who spends a fair bit of time with my nose in front of that emotional mirror actively working to figure myself out. Some people go their whole lives not looking in that mirror, I would rather look in that mirror than a normal one...that is where you see the real person anyways.
This really isn't as easy or as simple as it sounds. You have to remember I have spents years hiding in plain site. You may think you have seen me, and after reading this blog you may feel like you know me but there is so much that I could back even now and keep locked up. To have some start to turn the key of that room- a room that has been locked up airtight for so long is terrifying. Yet because I trust Chris totally (more important than I love Chris is that I trust him completely) I am OK with him poking around those dark dark corners. That is the biggest sign of all that he is the one I can be with forever.
I love how he sees and brings out the very best in me. We were just talking last night about an ex of mine who just pushed my every wrong button and I hated the person I was when I was around him. Chris inspires me to be the very best version of myself I can be. Not that he isn't happy with who I am yet I am still compelled to push myself to a higher level to make him proud of me.
This was a great weekend for us and our relationship. We had a wonderful day in Prescott but before that I had a pretty important meeting. I met his mother...I know. Pretty big stuff. The day did not get off to the best start and it looked for awhile like it might not even happen but things worked out and we ended up going to a favorite watering hole of theirs and had a good time listening to a great band and just spending some time together. Since there was a band there was not a ton of talking which in some ways I think was good- it took any pressure of small talk off the table and we had a shared pleasant experience. At one point his mom asked Chris to dance and being the good son he is he obliged and then when he got back to the table he asked me to dance.
My first dance with my boy.
It was such a great feeling dancing with him. I can't lay any claims to being a good dancer and frankly have not danced since college and even then it wasn't a slow dance. Still, I did my best to not step on his feet or trip (and there were not many people dancing so that would not have been good). It felt wonderful being in his arms and was the perfect ending to our evening.
We dropped his mom off and then we headed back to my place for an early start to head up the mountain to Prescott. For those non-AZ peeps Prescott is about a 2 hours drive away up the mountain- which means it is about 20 degrees cooler than Phoenix- and on Labor Day they have a town festival called Fair on the Square.
We had a perfect day.
It was honestly exactly the day I wanted and I hope to have a lifetime of days like that with Chris. It was simple and easy and beautiful. The weather was perfect and I enjoyed every single thing we did. We had amazing crepes and funnel cake and saw some great art. We snapped some silly pics and spent half the day just kinda gazing schmoopily at each other. It was total bliss. We drove back and Chris showed me the property they are going to build on someday and it has amazing mountain views. So peaceful and wonderful- it felt like paradise to be there with him.
We ended the evening at El Encanto for a great romantic dinner and had a great conversation about where we are in our relationship. Bottom line is we have had so much thrown at us in such a short amount of time but I really feel like the dust is settling and we are coming into a very comfortable, quiet and lovely time for us where we can stop reacting to the rapid fire events that have been exploding like grenades around us and just relax into being a couple. Just be and get to know "us" and start building a whole library of life experiences like the day we had in Prescott.
I almost feel like apologizing for talking so so much about my relationship and being in love but I know how happy you all are for me and in some way its gotta be a pay off for you guys as well. In any good story at the end the hero gets their hearts desire right? Otherwise why do you chuck down your $10 to see the flick?
Well you can send your checks cuz this is the start of a very happy ending......this is the beginning of my "and they lived happily ever after" but in no way is it the end. ;)
For Chris and I....happily ever after starts now!