I don't know about y'all but I am DAMN glad to flip the calendar and have a crisp, fresh new month to look forward to...just me?? Didn't think so...
Well kids, lots and lots of change has come my way this summer and as the temp slowly creeps under 110 (for us in AZ) things are slowly getting back into a groove for me. It's been a truckload of new adjustments to make and I am still juggling and seeing how things work.
The new job is going great so far. I really like my coworkers and the office is pretty close and in an area of town that I love to that all rocks. There is a huge learning curve, bigger than I have had to tackle in a long long time but it will come with time so I am not worrying about it to much and frankly, -that- is the kind of change I want not this musical employment chairs dealio. I even got some good news that makes the new job even better than when I first was offered it! I am just so grateful to have landed where I did and I look forward to settling in and kicking ass there!
Chris is, as you all know, my dream come true. There is no doubt he is the one for me and we are finally getting past the brand new relationship stuff and getting into the "how does my life work long term with you in it" stuff. Up until now I have put spending time with him as my biggest priority- over friends, yoga, making any kind of plans at all really. So now that I am certain that there will always be a next time so each date is not sooooo critical to nail down I can get back into MY routine and do what works best for ME on a daily basis. The last thing I want to do is make my life all about my significant other. He is a big part of my life but he isn't my whole life so now that we have gotten past the first "quarter" of our relationship we both need to attend to parts of our lives that may have gotten neglected because of the newness and the drama (for me at least) that has happened over the summer.
So that leads me to my confession and the reason why I have been a bit more sparse with the blogs that I was....did anyone but Fran notice?
Yeah....so the thing is after my whole little victory tour and the article and all the kudos and pats on the back and the new relationship and the celebrating and......blahblahblah.
I gained 20 pounds.
There, I said it.
God I hate typing that....makes me feel so frustrated.
Now before everyone starts making me feel better and handing me "get outta jail free"cards- cuz that is what friends do, we make excuses for each other and minimize things. "Oh, that's not so bad..." I know its just a slip and I WILL get back on track. I have some very good reasons why I gained but honestly the truth is I LET it happen and to a degree I am still letting it happen so me writing this is sucking it up and confessing my sins so I can refocus and get back on the wagon.
As I think about my fall from grace I have to say it pretty much went down exactly as I feared it would. I just don't have impulse control and I can't do "just a little". I am either IN or I am OUT (little Project Runway ref for ya...). When I came home for my party I gave myself that time to "cheat" and have some of the things I have not had for so long. Well guess what? That was July and I am still on that break.
There was the party, then getting back I had my medical situation which took me out of the workout routine. I think that was the critical piece because I am just not barely getting back to where I was months ago with my workouts. It's gonna take awhile to build back up to where I was and that is what makes me so mad at myself (cuz I knew better!!). Then there was the stress of looking for a new job and the one thing that became crystal clear to me is I am still, and always will be an emotional eater. Even right now as things settle when I get that twinge of stress I want something sweet. Now I have been trying to be good and get low cal treats (Mmmmm fudgicles) but when you eat 2 of them it kinda defeats the purpose. And now as I get into a routine at my new place it's interesting because going out to lunch is a big deal. Lunch is social and I want to fit in and be a cool kid but that also puts me at risk so what do I do? Be the loner who never leaves the office or go and blow my diet cuz healthy isn't always the first consideration in choosing a place to eat for this group. Oh and then there is free lunch provided everyday....today it was lasagna. I do love me some lasagna!! Choices......all about choices. And for me its all or nothing.
So what do I do? Well.....back to making workouts a priority is tops. Yoga was even put on the backburner cuz of cost issues but now with the new gig and cashflow getting back to where it needs to be I can fit that back into the budget which is huge. Yoga does so much for me mentally and spiritually as well as the physical. I need to pace myself and in 2-3 weeks hopefully I will be back where I was, or at least pretty close.
The hard part is striking that balance of being able to have a "normal" meal when Chris and I go out. He is super supportive and wants to drop a few pounds as well plus he is a great cook so that all helps but it's still nice to go out and have a lovely meal with some wine and not worry about it blowing the diet. That is what I need to work out....how to find that balance. I love him but every once in awhile we need to go out amongst the people and not just sit in my condo and stare at each other- not that we don't still do that in public. Hey, we are still newly dating and all schmoopy!!
So that is my confession and now I must bust my ass get to get back where I was but hopefully I will make it back there with a few more lessons learned so I can make sure that this is a life long change and not a dip in a roller coaster ride. What came down will NOT go back up....at least anymore than it already has!!
Grrrrr, back to the gym I go!!!