Looking Back Looking Ahead

Wow- so I was just looking at the number of blogs I posted last year- 121. I can't decide if that feels like a lot or not very many. And 79 from the year before. This is going into my third year of blogging? We have come a long way together haven't we my friends? I know what's happened in my life (and so do you....if you'd like to refresh your memory visit the archives and I will wait here for ya) but I wonder what has changed in your life? I have gotten a few emails here and there over my blogging life thanking me for sharing and just letting me know someone out there is listening.

When I write its "dear diary" time. I usually have a subject in mind but once I pull up a clean blog I just let my thoughts fly. What you see here is first draft stuff all the way baby. I never go back and edit and only do a quick spell check (that may explain alot right there eh?). I have said it before- this is my cheap counseling. If my blog was a place it would be a farm or a ranch (que the Iowa girl jokes) but these thoughts are like wild animals that once I let them loose they quiet down and are free to roam quietly. So this is a selfish place for me when I sit down to write but it helps to know that I am giving something too. Some of you have let me know that they have taken away some good stuff from what I have shared and for that I am so grateful. I really am. Knowing that I have caused even the smallest ripple in the universe is very satisfying and humbling all at the same time.

I'd still like to know what your favorite "Tracey moment" is (since we are all itching to use the comments section now right??). Post them below or let me know and I can do a top ten recap.

I know the one where I talk about looking in the mirror is my cousin Amy's favorite- what's yours?

So I'll bet you are all wondering how the Holidays went for me? (sigh) Mixed bag I am afraid. Holidays are always gonna be rough and anyone who has lost anyone around the Holidays can tell you its just a double whammy (thinking of you Rachel! many loving thoughts are with you). So they just aren't gonna be great. I can say there were some lovely moments and that is what I am gonna try like hell to hold on to.

There is so much going on- I know, when isn't there? It's all good stuff and is going to bring BIG GOOD change but this is that pitch black part of the tunnel- the one you get to riiiiight before you turn a corner and see a golden beacon of light (which you pray like a mo fo is NOT a train??!)

I can confirm that there is going to be great relationship based news in the near future- several steps will be taken this year however then when kinda depends on the above tunnel situation. Chris and I are going on 8 months of our relationship and we have already been through so so so much. I can say that I love him more everyday and I am so proud of the man he is. I see him as my partner, my future husband, the father of my children. He is amazing and its is mind blowing as we continue our path together we have more and more in common. We share some pretty amazing traits and have had similar things happen in our past that make for some interesting situations. Not all of them good but they all made us who we are.

I wish I could say life is perfect. That I found my Prince after my long sad battle (with my own demons) and now he is going to whisk me off and then next time you hear from me it will be on a postcard from "Happily Ever After" town. Yeah.....not so much. I wish Chris was perfect, I wish I was. I wish I hadn't gained the pounds I lost. I wish I had more money. I wish we had more time. I wish I could fix things that are well beyond my reach. But it isn't and I can't and it still can suck- a lot.

Life is just a big ball of suck sometimes. BUT.....I do have love. And I have knowledge. I know what I can do and I WILL do it.

Pity party over, time to saddle up and (save a horse) and ride (a cowboy) into the future.

Tally Ho!!