Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Have Yourself...

So I am sitting here at work waiting for the last few sands in the work hourglass to run out and then I start my Christmas vacation. I am soooo looking forward to just a few days to unplug and unwind. There has been so much chaos and pressure the past few weeks, hell the past year for that matter that a deep, deep breathe is in order.

So much has changed these past months. I have lost so much yet gained the love of my life. Now that I have Chris in my life I can't imagine taking a single step forward without him by my side. Damn if it wasn't true what "they" all said- that when you find "the one" you will know instantly. I might not have known on our first date Chris was the one but I had that locked down by the third date and by the time we were a month in I was a goner. I was head over heels in real love for the first time in my life and I know he is my soul mate and my forever love.

I am sorry to not be with my family this year but at the same time its just not where I need to be. I need to be here and make that fresh start. What I am looking forward to most with the Holidays is frankly just being alive during them. Last year I was a zombie and as most of you know I spent them reliving the horror of losing Troy and went through it all step by step. I am ready to start putting the loss I have experienced behind me (adding in losing my grandma and other loses this year) and honor those who have passed by living. And not just living but thriving and experiencing joy and making the most out of MY time here. That is my gift to myself and all the people who love me.

It doesn't mean I miss Troy or my Grandma any less or that I am healed from all the scars I have BUT I -can- move on. I have such a bright future ahead of me in 2010 with the love of my life holding my hand and helping me get through everyday. That is more of a gift than I ever dreamt that I would have in my life.

And so to all of you who I love and thank you so much for your endless love and encouragement. I know you have laughed and cried this year right along with me and for that I thank you and I look forward to the next chapter- can't wait to see what happens next!!

Have a wonderful Holiday and please give someone you love an extra tight hug- the hug you get back will be from me!!

No comments: