Monday, April 28, 2014

Looking back to move forward

It had occurred to me that there has been a significant gap in time since I have last put my thoughts out into the universe and some of the people in my life are brand new to this blog and are not aware of why it started and what it means to me.

It really started in 2008 and just to give you some scope it started on MySpace (I wonder if Tom misses all his "friends"?). I started it right after I lost my brother after he committed suicide. I spent a gut wrenching week with my family and when I came home I felt so alone and isolated that by writing the blog I could keep connected to my family and friends who knew me- and my brother- the best.

It was in the healing process of learning to live with my brothers death that I start a weight loss journey eventually losing 200 lbs. I also lost my beloved Grandma who means the world to me .

I also had many single girl dating disasters and eventually met and married my husband. That's pretty much when I stopped for many reasons which I may or may not rehash later.

What happened in the gap is  something I will probably bounce back to in time so I won't go into any great detail except tp say the most amazing thing I have ever done happened- I became a mother to the most beautiful child in the world. Her name is Quinn and if anyone is reading this you probably already know all about her. :) 

If you do care to visit the archives I will tell you especially the early posts are pretty raw emotions. I have always done my best to keep this place pure and honest. This is my no BS zone and I really mean that for myself more than anything else. This is a space where I get real and honest with myself. This is my time to sit in front of the mirror and really dig into it (whatever "it" is at the time).

Next- the reason I have named this blog Laughing Stars- I still can't read it without crying and as I looked this up to post here I had a vision of reading this to my daughter to explain to her why this is important to Momma and I lost it....I love you Troy and Grandma. Watch over us....we need your love!

From The Little Prince:
"All men have the stars but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You–you alone–will have the stars as no one else has them–"

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night… You–only you–will have stars that can laugh!"

"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure… And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!'

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